Week Five (5)

25th January - 31st January 2009

We are off on a trip to see the Glass Mountains; the weather is not brilliant so it should be quiet even though it’s a bank holiday Sunday. We see the sign for the lookout and turn into the small car park “What the ***k” says Steve who remember is driving a 5.9metre long van. There are Mini’s everywhere, it’s a bloody Mini rally, they have food, drink, Mini memorabilia and don’t ask me why but there are a group of men who are taking part in a whip cracking competition. We park up and get out to check out the view, we immediately feel out of place as we are not wearing any item of clothing emblazoned with a mini motif, not even a mini baseball cap… We return to our van and try to reverse out. I’ll skip what happens next, lets just say 10 minutes later we pull into Mt Beerwah car park where we settle our nerves over a cup of tea. Right lets follow in the steps of Captain Cook and get to the top of this 253m hill, we start, phew this is tougher than I expected, bloody hell this is steep, it’s getting harder, where the ***** the top, where’s the oxygen, where’s the air ambulance, where’s Julie…. The satisfaction at reaching the top is quickly overcome by the poor visibility and the fact that Steve knows there is another lookout where he can drive to the top…..The trip down is just as scary so after a Devonshire tea served by an Australian in the middle of the bush, we book into a camp site near to the late Steve Irwin’s, Australia Zoo. Within ten minutes, we are all connected and half a bottle of beer has been consumed, when “ Hello, my name is Marie” is heard from behind us. Both of us look up and think, this women is mad, smokes pot, drinks to excess, practices alternative therapies and buys her clothes from charity shops, why has she got a cat on a lead…… Fortunately due to it raining we had an excuse to avoid spending the evening with her. Being in the tropics, when it rains, means it really rains and when it really rains on a tin van roof the only way to get to sleep is to have used a corkscrew prior to closing ones eyes…..

I’ve got used to Julie’s snoring, the rain hitting the roof, the fridge and the water pump, so what the hell is that noise at 5.50 in the morning, it’s a flock of 20 geese honking, just outside the van on the green that we thought last night was ideal as no one could camp next to us. After an early breakfast we set off on a scenic drive, stopping in a quaint mountain village for coffee and another new hat for Steve. We stop by a lake for lunch and go off on a Nature trail walk around it, we are only wearing sandals when we suddenly hear a rustling in the grass beside us, Julie is unable to move, fearing it’s a snake and because Steve was on her back by now, when a goanna emerges from the undergrowth and climbs up the tree in front of us eating the insects on it with a flick of it’s 9inch tongue as it ascends some 20ft above us.

A magical natural moment that we may never witness again. We get back to camp and Marie is having an Australia day party with some other campers, the cat is on the lead and there is a small dog with a pink ribbon around it’s neck looking incredibly frightened of the geese who are again approaching the van whilst also leaving small deposits all around it. “I must remember to wear something on my feet tonight when taking pictures of the tree frogs….” We spend the next hour being busy so as to avoid being invited across BUT we fail, we accept the invite to bring a sausage or two, to a BBQ, we also have to take our own drink and our chairs. Soon there are 8 Australians, 2 Kiwis and us sitting around a table discussing the issues of the day. If you believe that you really are stu**d. The male kiwi who is now only talking to Julie and is showing her pictures of his big wriggling snake…. His wife is getting pissed off and pissed, saying things such as “ There are other people to talk to, you know” Marie is explaining to Steve all she knows about possums whilst constantly showing him her stroking technique, her husband meanwhile keeps on drinking and just said “yes” to every question/statement or fact mentioned. At this point a possum descended from a nearby tree and took over the entire evening.

When I say evening, I refer to the period of time between 19 -21.00hrs, as come 21.15hrs, Steve, who is just warming up telling everyone he has some tropical strength in his pocket (Mosquito Spray), when they all want to go to bed as “It’s getting LATE” what? Anyway the possum is stroked, no guesses by whom, fed with biscuits, fruit and bread and photographed until another possum enters it’s space. Not sure what happened next but we all exchanged email addresses, well I told them to reply to the email I send them, as if, but good old Julie gives them my email address………We go back to the van laughing about how early the Australians go to bed, when within 15 minutes, Julie is asleep….. Steve meanwhile spends the next two hours tree frog hunting and finishing the bottle but cannot find a tree frog for love nor money, nor another bottle but for some reason is still happy…..

Tuesday is spent at the Australian Zoo which was great fun, despite the intermittent warm rain. We see lots of native Australian animals, birds and reptiles and some from further a field, we manage somehow to take 321 photo’s before the camera battery ran out. We then head for Mooloolaba to spend the night less than 50m from the Ocean. We go to sleep with the sounds of the waves breaking on the beach.      

We awake to a crystal Blue sky and think best we climb Mt Coolum which is home to peregrine falcons, early as it’s going to be a hot one. We get to the top and enjoy the breeze thinking quietly to ourselves, they don’t make these climbs easy….. We later find out that plans to make this climb easier/safer have been put on ice due to the ‘keep it like it is’ protesters. We also found out that if you climb difficult mountains and you have short legs, it’s best to do it when not wearing white shorts, as when descending and doing a lot of bum shuffling over rocks, the white shorts are in need of an above 40 degree wash….. 

We decide to take advantage of the sun and have a beach day, so book into a site right on the beach. The lifeguards are just the other side of the dune to us so how can we fail to enjoy the deep blue Pacific Ocean. The information sign makes mention of “Some bluebottles” but no mention of snakes. So Steve is in, 5 minutes later, Steve is out, having been stung by a bluebottle jelly fish……     After making a fuss and asking Julie to phone 000 for the emergency services and finding she is more interested in her washing in the tumble dryer finishing, Steve decides to dilute the effect of the poison with alcohol and have a beer, he can thoroughly recommend this treatment and intends now to continue with this course of treatment over the next few hours/days/weeks/lifetime…. Come 7pm Steve is in Party mode and out we go looking for some life, because Julie is wearing her thong, she offends the dress code of the first place we find, so we are barred, which as it happens is a result, because we end up in a bar that is fun, fun, fun. We return to camp on a high, it’s windy and the waves are crashing, but what a nice sound to drift off too…. PS: A Thong out here is a pair of sandals; I don’t want any of you readers out there, having nightmares……

  We are off to Noosa but call into Sunrise Beach first, this I am sure you will agree was an act of God. As we walk through the dunes down onto the beach, six terrified females, dressed in bikinis are screaming and frozen to spot at the waters edge. Steve being as astute as he is, realises something has frightened them and disappears behind a sand dune, re-emerging with a big red S on the front of his T shirt which is now tucked down his shorts.. He rush’s over to the damsels in distress to find they are in the company of a 4ft sea snake, without fearing for himself he steps amongst the girls, stating out aloud, “Fear Not, Super Steve is here” and with that he grapples with the serpent and throws it back into the Sea. By now an even larger crowd has formed, pictures are being taken of our super hero, the girls are throwing themselves at him and the TV news helicopter is landing not more than 50 ft away.

That’s Steve’s version, Julie’s is, the snake had been washed up by the waves, the girls screamed upon nearly walking on it, Steve told them to leave it alone as  Sea snakes can be very dangerous, he then went and got a stick, picked up the snake and carried it to the waters edge, he tried to toss it into the sea but the stick broke and the incoming wave carried the snake back to where it had been. Steve tried again and again but the snake obviously was getting tired and weak and we believe ended up as Sea Gull fodder, alas poor serpent.

We then continue to Noosa and check into a campsite on the waters edge for 3 nights, Noosa appears to be the Javea of the Sunshine coast, it’s expensive, it’s busy and is spread over 3 main locations.

We are camped under a tree which is obviously roosting territory for Rainbow lorikeets and cockatoos, we don’t expect a lie-in, tomorrow morning. And now dear reader some tragic news, there is nothing to laugh about and no way is this funny, but as dusk descends around us, the lorikeets and cockatoos are not the sole residents of our tree. Flying foxes descend in large numbers to our tree for the fruit that has been falling on us since our arrival. The method of detecting this fact is simple, get 1 x Julie, sit her in a chair under the tree relaxing whilst I go and shower. Upon my return I find 1 x irate Julie inside the van with a whole roll of kitchen towel, complaining incessantly about the fact that flying foxes have crapped all over her…….

Prior to parking under this tree our van was as seen on the front page, today we awake and find it looks like one of the graffiti sprayed Wicked vans, only it’s not paint it’s crap of all sorts, mainly fruit bat droppings as their diet consists mainly of fruit you can imagine what it looks like. The thing is, we woke up during the night and thought it was raining, whereas, the fact is, it was pissing down but not a drop of rain….. We spoke with the owners about this and the whining poms have now been moved.

We drive our bat portaloo to Noosa National Park and set off on the coastal walk, half way round it we find a lady in a most peculiar position, we stop and ask if she is alright and find out that she is looking at a lace monitor lizard moving about in the under growth.

She is obviously fascinated by it but also scared stiff of it as its about 4ft long. Steve thinks about changing into his Super Steve costume but she is not wearing a bikini so he just takes out his camera. The lizard climbs down the embankment next to us walks along the path a few feet and then climbs back up the same embankment before disappearing into the undergrowth again. Feeling secure the funny shaped woman resumes a normal stance and after a brief conversation goes on her merry way. We settle into a routine day before getting back to our new treeless position within the campsite, where we start to wash the van. During this period of washing off bat poo onto oneself, the sky suddenly darkens, we look up and see thousands upon thousands of bats flying overhead. Julie is amazed, having never seen so many of anything flying in the sky, Steve is looking for an umbrella…. Having been observed to be wasting water in such a irresponsible manner, we are joined by 2 Australian males and asked numerous questions. Bullshit then flows so easily and effectively from one of our Poms on tour, they get invited over to have a beer. Several hours and beers later the male pom goes to sleep thinking, I hate talking to piss heads, Is that what its like talking to me………

We get up late and cancel the day on the beach as its cloudy, we go off into the hinterland and once again are climbing a mountain to another lookout. We are told there are snakes basking in the sun on the warm rocks; we look but find nothing but can see the sun is now shining on the coast, so head back to Sunshine Beach where we join a Surf Club, so as to have a drink looking out over the beach.

We drive off with music blasting, looking for something to eat. That place will do, we stop turn the engine/ipod off but can still here music, we wander over and lo an behold ‘That place’ has a live 5 piece band playing under a garden gazebo on the street corner, Australia away from the cities continues to throw surprises at us, some bad but things like this, brilliant.